Ever since Andrew Tate and the rise of the red pill, “manosphere” space, and the rise of young men’s depression due to feeling useless, makes for the perfect recipe to sell those very men an online courses to boost your confidence. Now, I don’t necessarily have a problem with that if it’s genuinely guiding their internal state in the right direction, which at least in that space of dare I say, “toxic masculinity”, rarely does. What I like about it, being a man myself, that is active in martial arts and goes to the gym everyday, is that I can understand based off of experience that they are telling the truth when it comes to certain aspects of confidence like physical fitness. During and after your workout, you feel very powerful which is very important to a man’s psyche. The reason why this is so crucial to men’s mental health is that in my honest opinion, it is equally important for a man to feel powerful as he does feel loved. Most people will avoid that notion because for some reason, we’ve now identified that the emotion of power is toxic, along with pride, ego, and the word I highly dislike, being an “Alpha.” These aren’t necessarily bad terms, but they’ve been used in a negative connotation. Since everything now a days in the media pushes the narrative of men that they should stop complaining and pick themselves up by their “boot straps” simply because they were born a man, the ones that feel lost, which are mostly young men in their early twenties, don’t know where to look for guidance. Hence the rise of influencers like Andrew Tate that validate those feelings.
It may be easy for confident, older, experienced men, that’s built up there own status over the years to give their unsolicited advice to the new generation. But that is the point, it’s a new generation. With the fast rise of social media and the information that we are bombarded with to capture our attention, our focus is all over the place. Anecdotally, I was breaded in another generation on the boarder of Millennials and Gen X, which means, social media and smart phone back then, weren’t as prominent and when everyone started owning one, It took me years to get one myself because I didn’t want to get caught up in the trend. I thought I was “too cool for school” then of course, inevitably I gave in. Point is, is that people want what other people have. And with just a few swipes, the comparison game is on. Hence the lack of self esteem that both, not just men, but women are facing, and it is nearly impossible to get away from. I’m no different. I fall into the doom scrolling trap like everyone else, but from trial and error, some experimentation with multiple failed attempts, I found out what works for me, to gain that confidence and my own self-esteem back.
For me, it all goes back to the principle of simplicity. We’ve all heard of phrases like, “just take action bro” or “fix your mindset.” It’s difficult to do if we haven’t created the habit of whatever it is we want to do. Go to the gym, be more social, start a business, etc. You need to actually start and get moving to build that structure, which within itself, is very difficult. I also know that from experience. What really helped me is more of a simple mindset shift. Yes, very contradictory from what i just said, but hear me out. I started internally analyzing my thoughts due to really wanting to make a change. I wanted to get out of the prison loop of feeling depressed due to a mindset of lack I was in. How did I do that? I started not lying to myself. I had to face the truths of what I would tell myself what I was going to do and ending up not doing. The fascinating thought about this, is that I wasn’t just putting on a bandage anymore, but I was getting to the root of the problem. Simply put, I lied to myself too many times, and not only my mind, but my body kept score. You can lie to yourself a few times and not have any effect, but when you do it often, it’s a self sabotaging way to not get anything done. it’s a habit withing itself. The more you do it, the more you will not trust yourself in not doing anything. that includes simple task, like planning to get up early morning but hitting the snooze button when you know it’s time to get up. It then becomes your identity which turns into a form of self talk and self hate. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that you created yourself. It compounded so much, that it is now hard to get out of the habit of not being able to trust yourself. Do the right thing. If you tell someone your going to do something for them, even if it’s a very small favor, just do it. if not for anyone, do it for yourself to gain that confidence and self esteem. Simple to do, but it takes time like anything else. If you create small habits and remain consistent in doing what you say you will, you will bathe in confidence and it will have a big ripple in all aspect of your life. I believe in you.